Just because I’m in a wheelchair, it doesn’t mean I don’t have a great sex life


578
578 points

 

Wheelchairs aren’t sexy. Unless you have a medical fetish, they’re not sexy. Most wheelchairs are clunky and creaky and don’t exactly scream passion. When I first contracted sepsis and meningitis, I admit sex wasn’t my priority. Despite there being something really sexy about the way my boyfriend looked after me and quietly left the room every time I needed to use the commode, I wasn’t about to jump on him for a hot minute. When I got ill in June this year, I’d been with my boyfriend for six months. A bit of a whirlwind, we’d already been on several holidays together and planned to move in together so it didn’t surprise me when we came out stronger in the face of serious illness. Richard became brilliant at making sure I was getting enough fluids, doing daily activity and having a great time… we just needed to figure out how this would work in the bedroom. When my mobility got worse and I was confined to a wheelchair, I started to wonder how on earth we’d ever have sex again. I’m lucky that I can transfer to the bed (or sofa) relatively easy but having sex somewhere that doesn’t come with cushions has had to be stopped. As have 99% of positions. Missionary has even had to be adapted, making sure my legs are comfortable lying flat and that the one leg that I can wrap around my boyfriend isn’t going to cramp up leaving me in crippling pain. Recovery also means my libido has plummeted so the new-relationship-at-it-all-night sex has quickly become once per week if we’re lucky. But it’s not all bad, we’ve had a lot of fun experimenting along the way and reigniting my sexuality has been key. No-one talks about disabled women and sensuality and sexuality. Like every other woman in the world, we have the right to explore our fantasies and our bodies. When you’re ill, that can go out of the window but it’s such a vital part of life that it should in no way be abandoned. Going solo was my first port of call and I’ve quickly learned sex toys are a godsend for disabled people. Using a sex toy has been amazing for me – the toy itself takes away any discomfort in my wrists and arms and allows me to explore my body when I’m alone and figure out what feels good again. At first, full sex felt scary – would it feel the same for him or me? Could I still do it? Would I still orgasm? But finding out, rediscovering it all, has shown me I’m more than my disability and the wheelchair doesn’t define me. Being a smart, sexy, strong woman does and that’s exactly who I was before I become disabled.


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